If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
zippers are such a cool invention
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im holly from the hills drunk
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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