he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The feeling are messing with the penis
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
