I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
