Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
