so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
