I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize