i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
