I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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