OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
