my sisters under your porch take her home
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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