My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
