I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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