I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
