i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
