if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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