dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
