grandma shit on top of the toilet
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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