I wish I could teleport
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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