Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
