I'm pants shitting drunk right now
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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