im six kinds of drunk right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
