she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
