Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
