please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
