We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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