My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
