this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
