your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
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