Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Soap is not a condiment
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
