so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize