Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
