I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
