he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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