We're like a lot better than the average bears
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
