yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
