The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
