Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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