I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
