Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
