that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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