ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
