But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize