laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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