Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
