please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
