I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dignity is for republicans.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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