I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
