I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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