You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
