Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
