I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
