You just made me feel so damn special
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I cut my penus on the lid.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
