Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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