Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
