She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
