Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
