Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
