i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
