Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
