i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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