I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
