Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
