Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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