Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
