this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
