What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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