Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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