when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
