I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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