don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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