Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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