i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
