can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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