My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
