There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
